BORDERLANDS

FUCKIN BANG.

Is just the best ever, even though I did all that work to find a monster vagina living in the Vault   (ermergerdSPOILERS?) but when you thought about it, it made sense that there would be a vagina living behind a door with an upside down V on it. Perfect sense, actually. Bioware gives us a horrible little star child plot device at the end, and Gearbox gives us a vagina (with tentacles) that takes six years for you to kill and actually doesn't drop any reallyreallyreally good loot.

I know what I preferred, because I'm replaying Borderlands for the 5th time (all five times spent as Lilith because she's just too good) there's not much to the story, but who cares when it's so much fun?

This was supposed to make waiting for Borderlands 2 (21st of Septembah BITCH) an easier wait to handle, but it didn't really work. I can just go to sleep for the rest of the time though.

LILITH HAS A POWER WHERE SHE GETS FIRE WINGS AFTER SHE KILLS ONE FUCK AND CAN JUST RUN AROUND THE BATTLEFIELD SETTING EVERYONE ELSE ON FIRE AND TAKING BITCHES DOWN BY THE DOZEN.

That explains the fire wings...and the conclusion is, Lilith is a babe. As they say on Jackie Brown, when you absolutely positively have to kill every motherfucker in the room. Accept no substitute.

Lilith is interchangable with AK-47 in this instance, but you get the gist.

SLEEPING DOGS

So you might notice a bit of a pause in updates, time was taken out to thoroughly enjoy Sleeping Dogs, which was pretty fun and already played to death.

Anyway, here's Wei Shen in a Bruce Lee pose, because I really did run around the whole game with him shirtless with red tracksuit bottoms on. EVEN when I had mansions I was lookin' like a street urchin. Overall, the game was pretty boss, but kind of short lived (same goes for most games these days) my adult intellect means I don't get stuck for years in one spot (like-i-did-with-zelda-ocarina-of-time-when-i-was-seven) at first I was kind of shit at fighting, and went around doing the Drug Bust missions by literally mowing the enemy thugs down from behind the wheel of whatever car I'd most recently stolen. Then I started paying attention and dishing out the PAIN with DEM KICKS AND DEM TACKLES AND DEM ENVIRONMENT KILLS.

Then someone gave me a gun and...stuff went down.

I was hoping it would keep me going until Borderlands 2, but I was just too damn good as an undercover cop posing as a Triad and wrapped that story up pretty fast. It's got replay value though, I still have a bunch of fight clubs to rape.

My only negative comment would be that there's really no point whatsoever in Emma Stone even being in the game, I mean, they could have easily of had a regular voice actress do her part, because her character literally has no influence on the story whatsoever. I kept thinking she was going to double cross me or some shiiiiiiit, but no, she was just there as a plot device to add some icons to my map and help me find health shrines.

I also got into trouble with my other three women for going out with her, but PSH, I really wanted to find those health shrines, and there was me thinking Shen would just be going on a walk in the park with her...THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 'just a walk/drive/karaoke session/day-out hacking cctv cameras, free-running race,' in Wei's life.

And I don't even want to know how any of them found out about each other, I thought I was doing a good job juggling like I did in Fable, but AH-WELL.

BUT YEAH, I'd definitely recommend it, it was fun.